Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
