Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
