the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
