At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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