She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
