She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
