the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
