How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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