They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
