i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
