Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
