I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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