Im at strip club and am horny
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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