We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
