I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
