Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
