You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
