How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
