can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize