Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
