He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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