my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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