I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
