obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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