My sheets look like a crime scene.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize