I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
