Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize