Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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