Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize