I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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