Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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