she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
