I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
