when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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