How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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