So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
