We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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