if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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