I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
FUCK WHALES
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
