plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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