I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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