I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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