Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize