Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
