I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
