The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
