eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
