just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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