Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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