you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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