stop calling my apartment porn island.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
