I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
