I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
