i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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