Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
