im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
