Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize