How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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