and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
