I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
