it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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