I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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