does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
