So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
