1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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