alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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