I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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